Buried in the archaic curiosity of the King James translation is a gem: “…godly sorrow worketh repentance … not to be repented of…”. [2 Cor 7:10] Repentance that sticks. Consider that when God sorrows, it’s not the self-serving, feeling-sorry-for-myself kind of sorrow that leads to death. God sorrows for others. There’s the key to deep […]
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When someone behaves in ways that don’t seem to make sense it’s usually due to one of the “formidable four” motivators: looking good, feeling good, being right, or, today’s focus: being in control. The older I get the more sure I am that it is impossible to control anyone … other than myself. And, controlling
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Whatever we do, we do for a reason. Since we’re not crazy, there is always a reason behind our actions. Every action. When our behaviors are perplexing, it’s almost always because we’re unaware of our true motivations in the moment. One of the most pernicious motivators is being right. If you’ve ever sat with a
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It’s true. You never do anything for no reason. So, whether you’re coaching yourself or someone else, it’s helpful to dig to discover what actually motivated apparently incomprehensible behavior. Four basic motivations are often at the root of such actions. I call them the formidable four. Looking good. Feeling good. Being right. Being in control.
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Last time, I suggested that no matter how astonishing, everything you do, at some level, made sense, at the time you did it. Almost always, in situations like this, you were motivated by one or more of the formidable four. I once worked for a clinically-diagnosable narcissist. This psychological malady renders a person unable to
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Crazy people do things for no reason. For the rest of us, there is always a reason for whatever we do. You might not like it, but it’s true. We prefer to imagine that “something just came over me” when I chewed out the State Trooper while pulled over for speeding. Or, we claim innocence
Prices and Payoffs Read More »
I remember it well. Helping with a character development workshop in Grand Rapids, my trainer, Lawrence Edwards, made this startling observation: Comparison is the seedbed of envy. Huh? Envy – that ugly, distasteful character defect that fuels pettiness, judgments, isolation, and division – grows in the soil of comparison? I never thought about that before…
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#7: A Culture of Cowardice (part three) We’re seven segments into a series on Leadership Courage. This is our third pass exposing a Culture of Cowardice that I believe has dominated much of the Church in North America. I’ve confined my comments to North America because I have very little exposure to non-Western churches and
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Principal #6- Consider Contribution My mentor and hero, Dr. J. Robert Clinton notes that one of the five practices that distinguishes those who finish well is a commitment to life-long learning. If learning is central to life, it is critical in times of turbulence. Trouble is, the way most of us behave in conflict closes
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Principle #4b- contender, know thyself! Last time I introduced the idea that you’re enormous advantaged, as a leader, when you’re honestly aware of your vulnerabilities. Ignorant of them, you undermine your own effectiveness. These blindspots lead directly to conflict. Sometimes you’re aware of the row they produce. If you’re like most pastors I know, you hate
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