The self-defined leader chooses to interpret crises—like the current COVID-19 lockdown—as precious opportunities to develop mature disciples of Jesus Christ.

Edwin Friedman is clear: the leader’s capacity to contain her own reactivity to the trepidation of others, to avoid becoming polarized, and to self-regulate while staying connected to those who behave as if in distress is key to both the leader’s differentiation and to catalyzing maturity in the culture around her.

When you react with frustration and anger to the low-tolerance tantrums and angry outbursts of the immature in your ministry context, you’ve put yourself in exactly the same soup!

The key is to manage yourself when in conflict and to stay in relationship with those who prefer to attack, blame, and remain irresponsible for their own being and destiny.

–Kirk Kirlin, from the book “Leadership Courage,” more at

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