77 plansYOU are the architect of all your relationships! Said another way, you are the architect of the way you are in all your relationships.

If not you, then who?

With your husband, you’re often demanding and distempered. With the company CFO, you are unsure and timid. With your siblings, you’re more withdrawn and brooding. With your college friends, you’re affable and light hearted. And with your children, you’re somber and serious.

Inventory your relationships and you’re likely to see variations in your predominant mood, style, and demeanor. Think of it as your way of being. You may not be as mercurial as I’ve illustrated above, but you will definitely discover differences, however slight, in your way of being.

And, this is very good news.77 wright

It shows that you have “architected” the way you show up in the world. And, because you have, you can re-architect your way of being in any relationship.

See, every relationship is governed by unwritten rules. Rarely spoken.

Think of them as alliances: you’ll treat me this way, and I’ll treat you that way. I’ll never mention this in your life, and you’ll overlook that in mine. We’ll cross this boundary together and no one will ever know!

They’re conspiracies, actually.

It’s how the mothers of horrible men continue to embrace their sons and the wives of notorious philanderers continue to stand by their men. Sadly, it’s also the way many of us are in our relationships. We conspire together to overlook specific flaws of character, inconsistencies in behavior, compromises to integrity, illicit alliances.  Often, these start small…and they GROW.

By the time you’re engineering a Benghazi-sized cover-up or London Whale sized securities fraud you’ve been coloring outside the lines for years.

Decades. 77 house of cards

Seen the fabulous drama series House of Cards?

I’m convinced the backroom cloak-and-dagger dealings—devoid of any concern for what’s right, honorable, or in the best interest of the nation they feign to serve—is the way-of-being for professional politicos.

While we’ve grown to accept this from our politicians, how tragic when it commandeers churches and denominations.

Since life is always lived from now on, you can choose at any time to change the way you’re in whatever you’re in. And, unless it’s the mob, a drug cartel, or the government, you’ve a good chance of surviving with both your integrity and your life.

Sure, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do. But, coming clean is great for the soul … and the soul of your relationships.

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”   1 John 1:7

 

Coaching Distinctions #77.doc