76 peculiar relationshipIf you’re like me, you’ve found yourself in what I’ll call “peculiar relationships” from time to time.

You might be in one now.

Perhaps you’re invested in an alliance that’s veered from the path or the purpose that originally drew you to it.  Possibly it began as a way to make a contribution to the Kingdom of God or to do good for others. Somehow, things changed. The emphasis now is self preservation or personal gratification or simply avoiding the truth that the endeavor has failed to do what you intended … and no one’s had the courage or integrity to speak the truth.

Or maybe a friendship once had desirable virtues that brought life to each of you. In time though, that which you admired has been subsumed by dynamics that are far less ideal. You may be toiling to minimize the effects of compromises to your values that have become a fairly regular expression of the relationship you now share.

Another possibility is that you entered a relationship by meeting a need for someone else. Maybe she or he was in a rough patch, and you provided a friendly face, a listening ear, or a sympathetic shoulder. As the intensity of their troubles abated, you stayed stuck in that care-giving role—a role no longer as necessary as it once was—rendering your connections oddly awkward.

It could be your marriage. Perhaps each of you took the plunge for what you hoped you’d get. Then, when the marriage took more hard work from you than you expected to give, your heart went out of it. The one who once commandeered your affections is no longer someone you even like very much.

Like all sensible people, you leapt into the new opportunity for some benefit you anticipated.  In some cases, it began well, then faded. In others, if you’re honest, what you’d hoped never materialized—even early on.  Or, you were pigeonholed in a role that’s not needed. Most commonly the endeavor failed to provide quick, easy benefits without any determined investment on your part, and someone’s become disillusioned.

76 architect 1So often, we assume that our only options are either to exit or to suck it up and endure hopelessly.

Not so, my friend!

Here’s a surprise: YOU are the architect of all your relationships!

Because every relationship involves more than one person, you’re not the sole architect—to be sure. But, at minimum, you are the co-architect of all your relationships. 76 architect 2

And, because you are, you can re-architect every relationship you’re in.

 

 

Coaching Distinctions #76.doc